Lessons in Falling Backward and Being Broken - Isaiah 54-7-10

For a small moment have I forsaken thee; but with great mercies will I gather thee. In a little wrath I hid My face from thee for a moment; but with everlasting kindness will I have mercy on thee, saith the Lord thy Redeemer. For this is as the waters of Noah unto Me: for as I have sworn that the waters of Noah should no more go over the earth; so have I sworn that I would not be wroth with thee, nor rebuke thee. For the mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed; but My kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed, saith the Lord that hath mercy on thee. KJV

You know you've truly been sealed with the salvation of Jesus Christ and His Holy Spirit when somehow you can cling to this promise even though you lay at the bottom of a mountainous heap of rubble. When you can cling to this promise in spite of His wroth; in spite of His rebuke; in spite of his forsaken abandonment--in spite of the fact that the whole world has come crashing down around your ears... and yet you still love Him and still seek His mercy & goodness.

Most of the world would have given up on Him by now. They throw God away the second they don't get what they want out of Santa's goodie bag. And when disaster strikes? Well, God either doesn't exist or He's a cruel terrible God who's not worthy of acknowledging, let alone praising.

I'll admit that the last three years since Abigail died, and then again when Anne died too, that I've known the rubble of the devastated mountains. I've known the dark flood waters that have left me forsaken. I've known astounding heartache and devastation as I've taken my gifts from the Lord and buried them beneath the sod. I've questioned Him countless times that if children are a gift from Him, an inheritance from the Lord, what does it mean when He takes them back? What does it mean when He riddles your life with illness and barrenness only to tease you with babies that then die? What does He want from me? There is no example in Scripture like mine. Hannah was barren, but then found reward. The closest I can get to applying Scripture to myself is in David's example of losing his baby boy--his story pokes straight into my soul.

Firstly, because we named our Abigail for David's other wife. Secondly, because God took the baby boy as judgment on David & Bathsheba--did He take my Abigail in similar judgment? But thirdly, and what gets me most, is that David was recompensed with a rainbow baby they called Solomon. My recompense was more death & baby burial. How I've begged God for mercy as I cast harsh judgment on myself; the devil wispering cruel things about what a wretched sinner I am that clearly must not have deserved those sweet baby girls.

Moreover, we see passages all over the Scriptures where the speaker repeats himself. We know that when passages are given double duty that those are bits of information that God wants doubly reinforced. So what was God saying to me as He issued me the double death of my children?

I have people who criticize me for reading too much into the events of my life. But years ago I invited the Lord into my life and made Him King. Everyone says, "God has a plan" and I believe that's true--so what was He saying to me and the world with the double death plan He issued to me? Clearly, He had something He wanted to reiterate. Applying Romans 8:28 continues to be my wrestling...

Nevertheless, today's passage in Isaiah reiterates that mountains AND hills may land on your life. Darkness AND despair may be all-consuming. He may punish AND abandon (see all the doubles in the passage?)... But He reiterates the covenant of His kindness AND mercy. He reminds us that He spared Noah and He will spare His chosen in this generation as well. No matter how many double deaths He inflicts, He will not forever forsake those who are faithful to Him during their double death experiences. In fact if we continue on in Isaiah, we're promised a double portion of glory; a double portion of everlasting joy.

Paul expounded on that double portion of glory when he said, For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, works for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory. While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.