Lessons in Falling Backward and Being Broken - Romans 2

Romans 2:1-16~~New Living Translation

You may be saying, "What terrible people you have been talking about!" But you are just as bad, and you have no excuse! When you say they are wicked and should be punished, you are condemning yourself, for you do these very same things. 2 And we know that God, in his justice, will punish anyone who does such things. 3 Do you think that God will judge and condemn others for doing them and not judge you when you do them, too? 4 Don't you realize how kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Or don't you care? Can't you see how kind he has been in giving you time to turn from your sin?

5 But no, you won't listen. So you are storing up terrible punishment for yourself because of your stubbornness in refusing to turn from your sin. For there is going to come a day of judgment when God, the just judge of all the world, 6 will judge all people according to what they have done. 7 He will give eternal life to those who persist in doing what is good, seeking after the glory and honor and immortality that God offers. 8 But he will pour out his anger and wrath on those who live for themselves, who refuse to obey the truth and practice evil deeds. 9 There will be trouble and calamity for everyone who keeps on sinning — for the Jew first and also for the Gentile. 10 But there will be glory and honor and peace from God for all who do good — for the Jew first and also for the Gentile. 11 For God does not show favoritism. 12 God will punish the Gentiles when they sin, even though they never had God's written law. And he will punish the Jews when they sin, for they do have the law. 13 For it is not merely knowing the law that brings God's approval. Those who obey the law will be declared right in God's sight. 14 Even when Gentiles, who do not have God's written law, instinctively follow what the law says, they show that in their hearts they know right from wrong. 15 They demonstrate that God's law is written within them, for their own consciences either accuse them or tell them they are doing what is right. 16 The day will surely come when God, by Jesus Christ, will judge everyone's secret life. This is my message. NLT

This is the passage we studied this past week in Romans. Of course the condemnation is future-tense, and based ultimately on that fact that none of us has any ability to do righteous works apart from God, and thereby we all need a Savior to rescue us from the impending doom that we’ve gotten ourselves into. It’s the propitiation principle, and none of us can escape its reality. Paul in both chapters 1 & 2 of Romans is speaking to an audience that has been “saved,” but in these chapters, he’s illustrating the natural worldview of the unregenerate heathen who have not accepted The Way as Truth, and have thereby NOT avoided the eternal condemnation that Paul illustrates here as inevitable for all mankind.

I’m a saved, born again, believer in the propitiation of Christ, so there is no condemnation for me, as Paul illustrates in later chapters. My “good works” will be judged based on His Works of righteousness working through me, rather than my own unregenerate works operating independently of Him. Whew! Praise God for that!

But the BSF commentary to follow the Romans Two lesson has me very disturbed. I suppose in many ways it’s part of the shame spiral that comes with trying to overcome the sting of death. When baby death has ripped through your life, the grief you’re left with often plagues you with a sense of overwhelming guilt, shame, and self loathing---a sense of remorse that somehow it’s my fault and I deserved it. Of course, the Romans passage doesn’t help with that sense of “deserving” and condemnation.

To be certain, the language used in Romans is harsh enough, but the BSF commentary that follows only added to that sense of shame I often feel. Yes, I feel much shame and degradation that somehow I’ve brought this judgment upon myself. That I’ve merely received just desserts for a life riddled with disobedience and faithlessness.

Sure, I’m born again now. But what about the sinful years that that led up to this point? There is much wickedness in my previously held unregenerate life. I was the same heathen who Paul speaks to in this passage (evolutionist, feminist, worshiping self and the created thing, rather than the Creator Himself). I'm not that way now, but at one point in my life the shoe certainly fit very well. God has every reason to pour His wrath upon me simply because of my previously held humanistic ideologies of godlessness.

Yes, the wrath of God is often a hard pill to swallow, and yet who are we as His chosen to think that we would not be privileged to see a shadow of that intimate side of Him? No, I will not receive His ETERNAL wrath, but perhaps the shadow of wrath, the mere glimpse, I’ve known these last couple of years is truly something I deserved??? Something to use to warn people of their impending doom if they should fail to recognize the true glory of the Living God.

Maybe if I type it all out, I can make better sense of it for myself. Life was so much simpler when I went through Romans verse-by-verse, chapter by chapter the last time. My entire world has turned upside down since then. I’ve had what would appear to be the judgmental hand of God slapped across my face since then.

Since then my family has come apart at the seams. It’s no small coincidence that my sister declared me “delivered unto Satan for the destruction of the flesh” and two years later my first daughter died. Her marked resentment continued in spite of Abigail's death, and she continued to withhold restoration from me. I then went on to have a second child die--also no small coincidence in light of the Scripture she used to condemn me.

No, only after my second child died did she finally pronounce the Numbers 6 blessing of restoration upon my life & home. How to make peace with satan's destruction of the very real flesh, has been something I’ve been asking the Lord to do for me for many many months. The only answer I've received has been by way of deteriorated health. Not quite the message I was hoping for. One thing’s for certain, I cannot make peace with all that's happened all by myself. The whole notion makes me weep & sob.

Here’s what the BSF commentary notes had to say:

THE NATURE OF GOD’S JUDGMENT: ROMANS 2:5-16
We now come a second time to the idea of the wrath of God. Here, unlike Romans 1, it has to do with God’s FINAL judgment. The first time Paul spoke about God’s wrath he said that “the wrath of God IS BEING REVEALED, that is, right now in God’s abandonment of the human race to its sin (1:18). The wrath of God is not something merely saved up until some long-delayed but final day of judgment. That is not to suggest that there is not a final day of judgment too; there is. For God’s wrath is also being stored up against the day “when His righteous judgment WILL BE REVEALED” (2:5). In these paragraphs Paul explains the principles that will guide God’s judgment on that final day.

A. According to Truth – Roman 2:2
The judgment of God will be according to truth. Paul has already mentioned this principle in the first paragraph of this chapter. This must be understood against the background of our attempts to make excuses: “I did not know there was a God,” “I was not sure,” “No one ever taught me to be good,” “I did not do those bad things the others did.” God’s judgment will cut through those excuses, and the truth about our stubborn unbelief will emerge. The last verse of this section says that God will even judge our “secrets” (v16). It is a terrifying thought. If we are to be judged by the truth, clearly no one “will escape God’s judgment” (v3).

B. Deserved – Romans 2:5
Paul’s second principle is that the judgment of God will be richly deserved, for the simple reason that we are bringing it on ourselves. We are “storing up wrath against {ourselves}” (v5). We have already seen one reason why God’s judgment is deserved. God has revealed Himself in nature. This alone should lead every man, woman, and child to seek God. However, we do not. Instead, we suppress the truth of God’s self-revelation. This suppression of truth is proof that we do not actually want God. This reiterates what was said in chapter 1.

The case is even stronger than this, which is what Paul is chiefly teaching in chapter 2. God’s judgment will also be deserved because of our stubborn refusal to repent. The word “unrepentant” (v5) takes us back to verse 4. In that verse Paul has spoken of two paths open to human beings as a result of God’s kindness, tolerance, and patience. One is contempt for God’s blessings. The other is repentance. Paul argues that the kindness, tolerance, and patience of God lead to repentance. But do we repent? The answer is in verse 5 where Paul speaks of our “stubborn” and “unrepentant” hearts. Apparently, we do not let the kindness, tolerance, and patience of God lead us to repent. On the contrary, those who have already suppressed the truth about God in nature now add to their evil by hardening their hearts against the kindness God has shown them.

C. Proportionate to Actual Sins – Romans 2:5
The most important teaching in this verse is that the wrath of God is proportionate to human sin in the sense that those who sin much will be punished much and those who sin less will be punished less. It is taught in the phrase “storing up wrath” against the judgment.

This suggests the image of a miser who has been storing up wealth which, contrary to his expectations, will destroy him. He has been saving a great horde of gold coins, placing them in an attic above his bed where he thinks no one will find them and where they will be safe. He keeps this up for years, amassing a great weight of gold. But one night, while he is sleeping, this great horde of gold breaks through the ceiling of his bedroom, comes crashing down onto his bed, and kills him.

That is the way it is for those who pile sin upon sin and show contempt for God’s kindness. They think of their sins as building up a life of present and future happiness and freedom. But each sin, no matter how small, insignificant, or hidden we may think it to be, is actually a storing up of wrath. Each neglect of others, each angry word, each selfish thought, each meant retort, each harmful act is a piling up of wrath’s “treasures.” Seeking pleasure while neglecting God builds wrath. Each moment of indifference to the great mercy and kindness of God is accumulating wrath. If life has been beneficial to you , you only increase your guilt and build a storehouse of future punishment by ignoring God.

D. According to Our Deed – Romans 6:16
A fourth principle of God’s judgment is that it will be based on what we have actually done and not on what we intended to do or might have done (so we suppose) if life had been different. This principle is unfolded in verses 6-11, and it is further developed in verses 12-15. These verses speak of two very different paths. One is the path of good deeds, the end of which is glory, honor, peace, and eternal life. The other is the path of evil, the end of which is trouble, distress, wrath, and anger. They teach that a person is on either one path or the other. Copyright Bible Study Fellowship 1998, 2005, lesson 4, pgs 3 &4.

So if I’m on the “right” path and still encounter situations whereby it would seem that God is much displeased with me, what to do next? How do we reconcile really "judgement" sort of things happening to “saved” people. When God’s wrath is poured out upon the heathen, somehow we can point fingers and say they "deserved" it. But what about when God pours that same wrath upon they who stand behind the Shield of Christ; the Rock of the Messiah?

If I “deserved” this as a “saved” person then just imagine what sort of wrath I would deserve as an unsaved person! Such wrath cannot even be poured out here in this earthly dimension—nothing is harsh enough or renders justice appropriately enough. That’s a scary thought!

I don’t know the answers. I know that I’m saved from God’s really serious wrath by the Blood of the Lamb. But in the midst of my shame and grief, I can’t help but think that God has found much disfavor in me; that I am completely undeserving of the special gifts He bestows when He gives babies to families. I can’t help but feel that He has wanted me to suffer the deaths of my children in order to realize how very small I am in His presence, and yet how hugely wicked I really am. I've known this reality for many years, but NEVER to this depth before. I've often wondered if perhaps I'm not one of His special chosen, but to cause the babies to die is inconsistent with the rest of His Word and how He Himself values children.

One thing's for certain, I’ve need a God sized hug ever since Abigail died. I’ve turned to the Scriptures for that hug; He is my Comforter, right? But all He’s really done as I’ve searched His Word has been to isolate me further and pour additional wrath upon me by causing another baby to die. The double death cannot be ignored in light of the way prophets speak & reiterate His Word in "doubles." Clearly, God is trying to tell me something through the double death, but I'm too vastly dull to grasp it.

I can’t help but feel like it’s something I’ve not done “right”---I didn’t pray right or praise Him right or have enough faith (as if one can create or decrease amounts of faith when its all a gift of grace). I’m so ashamed that I’m stuck in suc a blasphemous works-based mentality, when I know full well that it defies everything He tells us about His GRACE.

It’s just that throughout the entire Scriptures we’re told that children are a blessing from the Lord. But what happens if He gives the hope of them (after YEARS of barrenness) only to take the reality of them back? ---and under such horrid circumstances, I might add!

All through Scripture, the barren woman’s child is restored to her---Hannah gave up Samuel and God restored her six more children. Elijah lay across the barren woman’s dead son and brought him back to life for her. Paul did the same with the boy who fell out the window in Acts. Jesus Himself, healed the woman with the issue of blood---how many children did she go on to have as a result of her healing??? The text doesn’t tell us, but it’s clear that He healed her barrenness by resolving her menstrual issues. God GIVES children as a blessing; He takes them as a punishment.

How do I come to such a conclusion? Well, when you search Scripture cover to cover, the only place where we see a child’s death is when God brought judgment upon David & Bathsheba for their unrepentant sin. What sin have I committed that I failed to repent of? Did I not repent “enough”??? What is God saying to me through this experience? Scriptural language, Scriptural examples, and Biblical principles would say that the deaths of my babies have come upon me of my own making; of my own deserving. But Why? How? It brings me back to the prayer of Elijah that Ben prayed for Abigail--he truly believed that the spirit of Elijah could lay across her body prior to its birth and that she would be born alive. God did not restore my children like He restored Isaac to Abraham; like He restored children to Hannah, or the others who were restored. Like David's child, my child(ren) remained dead. How is the sting of that to be salved? David's heart wasn't restored until God gave him Solomon. Where is my rainbow baby, God? You took her too!

I just need Him to hug me, and somehow communicate to me what purpose all this serves. I’ve done my best to move forward and continue to seek Him through my route of study in order to remain obedient and on the right path. But then the study comes along and washes me with the same struggled shame, and I just wonder if I’ve not been completely abandoned by Him. The Old Testament prophets were right when they called God's Word, "the Burden of the Word of the Lord."

What is it You want me to learn, Lord? Please don’t leave me to my humanistic guessing. Lead me to the Rock that is Higher than I. Shield me from the demons that seek to poison my mind with Scriptural misapplication & misrepresentation. Take every thought captive to your glory. You withheld children from Sarah, but once you spoke of Isaac’s promise you never entertained the idea of taking him back (at least not with her, and certainly not for REAL). Albeit, I suppose Abraham was prepared to give You the son of promise back, and perhaps I should follow his example better. It's just that even in your testing of Abraham, you still did not take the boy Home. And yet you took ALL of David’s children except Solomon, starting with the baby. It’s so perplexing. And I hurt so very much. Please help me, Lord. Please show me your favor again--like David cried out as his baby lay dying: restore to me the joy of Thy salvation and uphold me with Thy free Spirit...

me too Lord, me too...