Lessons in Falling Backward and Being Broken - Beauty for Ashes, Right?

http://news.aol.com/topnews/articles/_a/a-move-for-birth-certificates-for/20070522114509990002
This is the sort of crap that sends my grieving heart into the Netherworld of despair. Be sure to read the "post thoughts" when you're through with the article. To say that people suck is an understatement!

A short digression: I'm so humiliated that I live in the state Gov. Richardson represents. He's such an ignorant ass! He vetoed the bill because of fraud potential. Oh sure, I can see stillbirth fraud being a green card/immigration problem of national security proportions. I can also see it being a welfare fraud problem to the hilt--these are the issues that plague this part of the country, so he should know the problem very well. But the real problem isn't fraud as much as it's the fact that he's running for president. He's beg, bribing and stealing from every pro-abortion constituent that he can get to back him up. He's a loathsome criminally-based man who will never get my vote.

Gov. Richardson aside, the birth certificate thing has pissed me off ever since Abigail died and she was denied basic personhood. She does not exist as a legal person. Oh she has a legal deed of land ownership from the Capitol City--watermarked, and gold sealed. It's her officially sealed document of land ownership issued by the state perpetual care laws. It's a document that says, my daughter legally owns the hole she'd planted in, but she didn't exist as a legal person. The bottom line is that she can NOT exist as a person, it would challenge everything Roe v Wade stands for.

I've heard many people try to argue that it's not about abortion rights. They claim that it's about validation, legalization, and human respect for our babies. One stillbirth mom even asked, why is it so damn much to ask that our babies are recognized for who they are as human beings?

"Why?..."
...because you see, if our babies get recognized as human beings; as the sweet precious babies they are, then theirs must get the same recognition as well. You can not legally terminate or abort a pregnancy in which there is a person, a human being. So to pass useful legislation in favor of our unborn babies very much threatens their agenda, and they WILL NOT have that agenda threatened. In effect, we stillbirth moms and our dead children lose our rights so they can have theirs.
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That's the bottom line; and I hate to say this, but it's NEVER going to change--read the "post thoughts" to the NYT article and you'll be exposed to a plethora of horrid ideas from people who will see to it that it will never change. Medical lobbyists will make sure abortive freedom never changes. The ideas submitted to the post illustrate what I've known since the day after Abigail died: that by and large there's no sympathy for dead babies in our culture.
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In fact, the reason why our grief gets overlooked and minimized on a social level is because most in our culture don't see the loss of a baby as a valid loss--not when our culture rabidly EXPECTS entitlement to abortion on demand into the 2nd trimester, and all the way into the 3rd trimester if "medical necessity" is present. I mean, women will fight like vicious dogs for their right to kill the unborn--how can we even begin to present an alternative to a mother who's determined to kill her own child?
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Sadly, our culture has completely desensitized themselves into believing that a human pregnancy is just "tissue"--it's not really human. It's not a human being until it breathes or has artificial respiration in the NICU. And many, even in the so-called "JudeoChristian" realm, fight tooth & nail that there is no soul until the first breath. I had this very debate with a woman not long after Abigail died. She was adamant that the soul didn't exist within the human body until the baby breathed--many were they who agreed with her.
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Well, Abigail never breathed and therefore apparently had no soul. It's absolutely crushing that in the eyes of many, she was merely biological waste. That's certainly all she was to the doctors who theoretically cared for her prior to her birth.
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So according to most in this "live & let live" world of ours, not only was my child NOT considered a certified person, but she apparently isn't in heaven either since she had no soul. She's just biological waste that needs no certification or recognition because she never even was. Then why am I held in bondage to the state laws that require me to turn her remains over to the cemetery? Why can I not bury her where I want to like I would with our family cat?
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And why should their abortionistic worldview be allowed to plop all over my grieving heart without so much as batting an eye??? what makes their rights greater than mine?
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I'm sorry, but I'm a female. My daughters were female. But we apparently had our female rights stripped of us so another woman could have the right to abortion on demand. I'm sorry, but that's a grievous nightmare that I do NOT have to be supportive of.
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No where in my Bible does it say I have to compromise all that's decent and godly in order to support a woman who chooses to kill her child rather than giving the issue over to God and allowing HIM to be sovereign. To trust a doctor more than God is blasphemy, and God said thou shalt not kill--even if your doctor uses amnio and ultrasound to predict a gloomy future. Do you know how many mis-diagnoses are made every day? Are you really willing to put your child's life on the line with that much reasonable doubt in place? I'm sorry, but I can not support you if you can.
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And then I get a rock pile thrown at me when I dare say anything against the fallibility of medicine and medical equipment; against such feministic tyranny--I get this "how dare I "judge" crap thrown back at me...
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Yea well, how dare I have to walk in my victimized shoes for the rest of my life, while such murderers go free! How dare I have to give up all my rights, and my children had to give up their rights in order for the abortionists to have theirs!
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Ironically, I see quite eye to eye with this portion of the NYT article:

"In some states, local chapters of abortion rights groups have opposed the legislation. But at the national level, some abortion rights groups are comfortable with the laws, if they are drafted carefully to cover naturally occurring fetal death and not late-term abortion. At a level of great abstraction, there are probably some people who worry that recognizing a nonviable fetus as a person would in some way be a seed that could sprout into a threat to abortion,” said Roger Evans, a lawyer for the Planned Parenthood Federation of America. “But I don’t think we see it that way. We recognize the tragedy and loss of stillbirth, and as long as these laws are medically accurate, and the certificates are optional and commemorative, they’re a way to recognize that loss.” (My attitidue is that he can keep his "commemorative" crap; I want a legally certifiable document, not just a memento for my scrapbook).

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But you're right as rain that I want medical accuracy in certified death documents, and I want naturally occurring stillbirths made totally distinct from the late term abortion. You see, I don't want a 2nd trimester abortion getting a birth/death certificate that says: cause of death=trisomy 18 (or whatever the disease was that prompted the parents to end the child's life early). Said baby didn't die of trisomy 18 if he/she was aborted prior to term did they? NO. So if a pregnancy is ended volunatarily it should be certified as such so as to prevent medical skewing of vital medical information that could ultimately undermine research for any given prenatal disease.
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Moreover, one of the aggravating things about the MISSing Angels bill is that it does absolutely nothing to insist on medically accurate information in the certification of life &/or death of a preborn child. I don't need a piece of paper for my scrapbook. I need accurate vital records across the nation so that researchers can begin to confront SADS and birth defect trends. I want to see nothing but research-grade certified records so we can start to do something about the crisis level of stillbirths in this country; so we can learn more about the causes of IUFD (intrauterine fetal demise).
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Otherwise, the certificates are nothing more than a crock of crap. And while I'm quite fond of winged babies on a sentimental level, my personal beef with the MISSing Angels bill is that it's offensive to my faith. My children are fully human, they are NOT angels. Furthermore, they are NOT missing--God has them written in His Book of Life, and I KNOW they play with Jesus in the butterfly meadows of heaven's grandeur. In some respects, I think the MISSing Angels bill does little more than stuff a sock in the mouth of a dismayed mother who is already dumbfounded by her stillbirth experience. Give her a certificate, that will shut up her questions as to why her prenatal care was so deceptively lacking; give her a momento, it will distract her from asking why her doctor isn't held more accountable for her baby's cause of death--especially in light of the incredible cost for prenatal care and the surprising rise in valid malpractice situations???
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Yes, oddly enough I'm rather on the side of the Planned Parenthood attorney, in that I don't really care if stillbirth is certified or legally recognized on paper unless they can make sure they separate the natural stillbirths from the voluntary abortions. I want medically accurate certificates--if a baby dies naturally in the womb then trisomy 18 can be noted as the cause of death (or whatever illness it had prenatally). But if the baby was pre diagnosed with trisomy 18 and a 2nd trimester induction was the real & actual cause of death, then that baby didn't die of trisomy 18. The appropriate cause of death (voluntary pregnancy termination) MUST be noted as such in order to be accurate & true to the trisomy 18 death rate statistics.
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I mean, doctors run around telling patients that trisomy 18 is 100% fatal. Sure it is when 98% of those prenatal diagnoses are terminated prior to birth. And yet what an inaccurate statement to make when there are hundreds of thousands LIVING with trisomy 18 around the world. What an inaccurate statement to counsel patients toward making a decision to terminate. What an outrageous way to corrupt vital statistics and medical records. What an unethical means of developing medical policies that then deny basic medical coverage to the living trisomy 18 patient who is overcoming the disease.
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There's a couple of cases I know of presently whereby the parents have chosen to end their child's life. If they get death certificates that claim that their babies died of xyz ailment, then those that actually LIVE with that ailment are thereby brushed into the medical corners of ethical disregard. Research becomes tainted by inaccurate death rates, and medical policies for treatment of those who live with the condition is critically compromised. I know this because I've lived the medical politics for myself.
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It infuriates me that the abortionist side always has more power & influence. Even today I read a post on a thread whereby a woman had decided to end her pregnancy mid-2nd trimester. Lots of support for the abortion, but any information for a pro-life alternative was clearly forbidden in the attitudes of the pro-abortionists who posted.
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In fact, a random poster made the simple & hopeful point that she knew a 14year old person who was alive and well, living with the same condition as the baby who was slated for the slaughterhouse. The poster was merely offering a bit of hopeful information that doctors are not always right, and that some people can & do live good lives in spite of the doom & gloom the doctors illustrate. The poster was very kind and heartfelt, and to me it sounded like a slice of hope that I would have wanted to hear in my time of fearful struggle.
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And yet another pro-abortion person interjected and flat out told the supportive poster to bugger off--the pro-abortionist stood on her soap box and said that the kind, hopeful info about those who live only made it worse, and that those who make such decisions have a right to make the decision without the added cruelty of guilt tactics.
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HUH???? EXCUSE ME??? I think some people are so insanely rabid for their "right" to kill the unborn that they don't even hear the crap that comes out of their mouths. The double-minded ethic makes me insane! There's a whole group of women rallying for this woman to kill her baby, and one person stops in and makes even the slightest suggestion that there might be hope, and fangs lash out. Truly people suck worse than they even know.
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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypocratic_oath
And yet I thought it was the Hypocratic ideology that said a doctor was to support life, and never compromise his craft in favor of death. The Hypocratic Oath specifically speaks against abortion. And yet the AMA teaches a pro-choice ethic--what's up with that?
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So anyway, in separating & certifying the natural stillbirths from the voluntary abortions, how many on the abortionist side would insist that it wouldn't be "fair" that the terminated baby should then have a death certificate appropriately certifying the accurate cause of death as a voluntary preganacy termination (which, boohoo, my insurance won't cover unless the baby dies naturally). They want their cake & eat it too; they want a death certificate that says their baby died of xyz ailment, and yet their baby DID NOT die of xyz ailment. And those who LIVE with xyz ailment shouldn't have to forego decent medical statistics just to absolove a terminating parent of their guilt. And yet you know the abortionists get all the rights & benefits thereto, and people like me are just mean, heartless, and judgmental.
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And like I haven't had the same mean, heartless, judgmental crap thrown at me in my stillbirth and birth defected experiences-- me & my so-called biological waste with no soul (who looked the spitting image of her mama). Or how 'bout my trisomy 18 baby who who tried to live but they brushed her off as not even worthy of a $4 bottle of cardiac medicine. They judged her as unworthy of life, so they brushed her off for dead before she really was. And yet somehow I'm the heartless one because I rally for life rather than supporting the terrifying & painful process of early induction. How dare a parent claim to care about their sick baby's suffering and then put the baby through the painful horror of early induction. They never stop to think that nature never inflicts as much suffering as the hand of man does. But I'm the mean one!
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No, I'm not mean or heartless or judgmental. I'm a grieving mother who has been forced into extra grievance thanks to the fact that the abortionists have all the rights, all the laws, and medical & cultural ethos on their side. I've born more grief than most will ever know in a lifetime, and yet somehow I'm supposed to be supportive of they who stand against everything I believe in.
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What part of "thou shalt not kill" isn't clear? What Bible verses do they read that says I'm supposed to throw away God's sovereignty in that command in order to support prenatal homicide? Clearly, the world has gone mad in their expectations, ideologies and practices.
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I'm content to know that it's just the agony of the Refiner's Fire. It's no small thing to "come out from among them and be ye separate." I'm reminded that Paul implores us to "be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind," and again he reiterates to "put on the mind of Christ."
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It's no wonder the way the world thinks creates havoc & unrest within my mind. I'm not supposed to think like them. I'm supposed to come away from them full throttle. Oh they tell me not to judge as if Jesus was some sort of pro-abortionist, singing John Lennon songs. They take the one passage where Jesus says not to judge lest ye be judged, but they totally miss the context in which Jesus made that statement. They also fail to recollect all the Scriptures that tell us to be spiritually discerning in order to avoid they who are of a deceptive & ungodly worldview--how many times does Paul say, "I don't want you to be ignorant?" He even tells us not to take a meal with they who are unrepentant and worldly in their thinking.
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So tell Paul "not to judge" and leave me alone. And for the record, I don't judge individuals--that's God's job. But i am commanded & required by Scripture to judge ideologies and practices which are not grounded upon Scriptural Truth (or any sort of lie a woman will tell herself in order to rationalize her intent to murder her child).
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Never ever does Scripture command me to be supportive of such ideologies & practices which are so counter-biblical. To do so makes me a whitewashed sepulchre (says Jesus); double minded in all my ways (says James); an anti-christ (says John). I am commanded to do what I can to save a sinner from making an unsalvageable error. If my gentle & compassionate presentation of life-giving options is considered being "judgemental" then so be it.
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The abortionistic world can judge me all they want in return, but know this: I'm only caring for the eternal value of a baby who was created by God. Doctors & parents alike may see the child as nothing but a suffering defect. But the child is a gift from God. The Master Himself has chosen some of us to care for a very special gift; it's a test of sorts; an opporutnity to go deeper into life & love, beyond the borders of the typical--to kill such a gift is like keeping the oyster and throwing away the pearl...
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but this is how the world thinks, and why we are called to rise above that worldview and be transformed in the renewing of our minds...

Lessons in Falling Backward and Being Broken - I Kings 17 & 19 ---------------- Starved for Birdfood

I'm so slow at getting things done. My writing falls behind, my artwork falls behind... I feel rusty and ragged. I'm trapped under the suffocating weight of a beautiful Persian carpet--I know it's beautiful on the other side, but I feel like I'm trapped under the rubble of my life just struggling to survive.

I struggle with God over the vast injustice in the world; I struggle with ill-heath & feeling like crap all the time; I struggle in marriage. I struggle with those who claimed to be my friend, and yet in reality they dropped me down a deep pit and left me for dead. I struggle with those who think of abortion as a viable answer. I struggle in a deep place of loneliness. I struggle with grasping this "light yoke" concept that Jesus promises to us--the reward for they who are weary and take up His yoke...

Lord, am I doing something wrong? Of course not my child; you are merely hurting under the duress of Adam's Curse. Of course, how is one supposed to feel or behave in the face of such a rubbled life? I think of Rachel who begged Jacob for a baby lest she die--and in the end she did... And then I think of Nehemiah who sat down and sobbed as he assessed the devastation of his beloved City--God's Temple defiled & desecrated seemingly beyond repair... Nehemiah illustrates his character like Superman in how he picked himself up, took on His Yoke, and proclaimed that the Joy of the Lord was his strength... they repaired, rebuilt, restored, and rededicated...

I guess I'm just in the midst of my wilderness experience right now. I think on Elijah who was so depressed over the state of things that he wished he were dead. I think of how he was fed by angels and ravens through the exhaustion of his wilderness experience. Elijah was a powerful man of God, but he was not without duress. He was not spared a profound wilderness experience in which to grow his faith. He illustrates that no child of God can avoid the wilderness. Ya know Lord, I could sure use some of that angel's food though...

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