When It Rains It Pours--Surviving the Flood Waters

But now thus saith the Lord that created thee, O Jacob, and he that formed thee, O Israel, Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine. When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. For I am the Lord thy God, the Holy One of Israel, thy Saviour: I gave Egypt for thy ransom, Ethiopia and Seba for thee. Since thou wast precious in my sight, thou hast been honourable, and I have loved thee: therefore will I give men for thee, and people for thy life. Fear not: for I am with thee: I will bring thy seed from the east, and gather thee from the west; I will say to the north, Give up; and to the south, Keep not
back: bring my sons from far, and my daughters from the ends of the earth; even every one that is called by my name: for I have created Him for My glory, I have formed Him; yea, I have made Him. Bring forth the blind people that have eyes, and the deaf that have ears. Let all the nations be gathered together, and let the people be assembled: who among them can declare this, and shew us former things? Let them bring forth their witnesses, that they may be justified: or let them hear, and say, It is truth. Ye are my witnesses, saith the Lord, and my servant whom I have chosen: that ye may know and believe me, and understand that I am He: before me there was no God formed, neither shall there be after me. I, even I, am the Lord; and beside me there is no Saviour. KJV

This passage would indicate that God is fully aware of the disasters of life that will befall us. He makes no apologies for the tragedies & hardships that will encumber us in this life. He makes it clear that we are a people bent toward rebellion, and that many of our dilemmas are often brought on from our own fairlure to worship Him above ourselves.

No, we may not always be personally involved in rebellion against God; but on a corporate level, our culture at large is most definitely very godless. And thus I can see why God makes no apologies for the hardships we bring upon ourselves. But what about when we've truly dedicated our best efforts to confronting & confessing our personal rebellions against God?

What if the flood waters and molten fires seem to seek us out on a personal level, leaving us in a mountainous heap of ashen waste? The corporate godlessness of life comes along and inflicts the floods & fires of its natural disasters upon us, and we're left desolate not understanding why God has allowed such tribulation to wreck such ruin in our lives. Have we not been "good"; have we not been obedient? It seems little comfort that God reiterates again & again that He will see us through such disasters. To the world, a Saviour is not good enough. We want to know why we must endure such disasters in the first place. We want to know why bad things happen to "good" people.

First, we have to dispell the notion that any of us are "good." Even Jesus said, "why do you call Me 'good'?" In reality, we are good at attempting to be good and that's about as good as we can get. And even if we as individuals are better than most, we still comprise the cultural whole. The cultural whole does not think with a godly worldview--a worldview that says, "seek ye first the kingdom of God..." The cultural whole thinks with a secular worldview--a worldview that says, "seek ye first the kingdom of man."

Second, how do we know that bad things happening to good people won't ultimately make them better people? Perhaps the "bad" thing is for our "good" and in reality the "bad" thing serves to make us grow from "good" to "great"--it's hard to see that when you're in the midst of the disasterous flood waters or molten flames. The path of recovery as one journeys toward such "greatness" is often very very challenging, if not completely dibilitating. And here again, God reminds us that He will be with us and keep us through such tribulations--if we chose the "seek ye first the kingdom of God" worldview.

He ultimately wants us to concentrate, not on the devastating floods & fires in our lives, but rather on the fact that He is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah. KJV Ps 46:1-3

My own life has been consumed with various fiery trials. In fact, many are the times when I would love to slap Peter right smack in the mouth for how he's tormented me with these words:

Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when His glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy. 1 Peter 4:12-13 KJV

Rejoice, huh??? Be exceeding glad, huh??? That one's been a hard wrestle with God because who can be glad at their children dying, let alone be EXCEEDINGLY glad?! Who can rejoice over such a thing? It doesn't help that I also hear James tell me to count it all joy; that every good & perfect gift is given by God, and yet how can baby death be a good & perfect gift? To be certain, the Word of God is a double-edged sword cutting to the marrow of the soul. Truly, the Word became flesh and has engrafted Its depth upon my spirit and I am permanently altered. James is astute in describing the nature of our sin. To me, his analogy in giving birth to death is so much more than a metaphor or an analogy. I have known the anguished conviction of giving birth to death--James' poingnant words coming to life in the lifeless corpse of my sweet Abigail (the Father's Joy). I'm often overwhelmed that it gave Him joy to deliver me unto death that I might rejoice in what a Saviour I have in Him. The engrafted Living Word upon my soul has been both condemning and Redeeming; a soothing cool drink and a torential flood that only Noah could survive. Truly I have come to know in my depths what the Scriptures mean when they advise us to turn our clueless carelessness into convicted mourning. Sometimes God has to use "bad" things in order to get us to look up and see Him over ourselves.

My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord. A double minded man is unstable in all his ways. Let the brother of low degree rejoice in that he is exalted: But the rich, in that he is made low: because as the flower of the grass he shall pass away. For the sun is no sooner risen with a burning heat, but it withereth the grass, and the flower thereof falleth, and the grace of the fashion of it perisheth: so also shall the rich man fade away in his ways. Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him. Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man: But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death. Do not err, my beloved brethren. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights , with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning. Of His own will begat He us with the Word of Truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of His creatures. Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God. Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls. But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves. For if any be a hearer of the word, and not a doer, he is like unto a man beholding his natural face in a glass: For he beholdeth himself, and goeth his way, and straightway forgetteth what manner of man he was. But whoso looketh into the perfect law of liberty, and continueth therein, he being not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the work, this man shall be blessed in his deed. If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man's religion is vain. Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world. James 1 KJV

Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded. Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up. James 4:8-10 KJV

The point is that it's all about God, not us. It's about His glory, not ours. He often uses bad things to get our attention. It often doesn't work. He uses good things too, but we have a tendency to praise ourselves when good things happen to us. Either way, we're entirely too consumed with ourselves. Even those who love God often only have Him as a side bar in their busy lives (lives that are all about themselves and rarely have anything to do with seeking His kingdom).

What if we really did engraft the Living Word and seek His kingdom first? What if we really did turn our laughter into mourning and seek to overcome the individual sin nature that corrupts the corporate whole? What if we lived our lives through the burnt ashes & disaster-consumed trials with an attitude of praise for our Holy God; our Blessed Redeemer? What if we clung to Him no matter what befell our personal or corporate lives?

I'm reminded of the three Hebrew priests who were being held in captivity under the reign of King Nebuchadnezer--a oldtimer's Sadam Hussein. He had ordered the empire to bow on command to a foreign god (very similarly to how our humanistic worldview edicts that we turn our backs on God). Failure to submit to the edict meant the death penalty in a fiery pit. The Hebrew priests didn't care. They refused to turn away from the One True God. They believed in His salvation; the rescue mission of the Messiah. Even if it meant being burned alive and losing everything in this life. They were steadfast in their faithful love of the Lord. They believed in the Abrahamic Covenant and the life Everafter. Consequently, this is what they messaged back to King Nebuchadnezer:

If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us out of thine hand, O king. But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up. Daniel 3:17-18 KJV

It's by the power of this same God the I refuse to turn away from Him even though my anguish is great and my fury deep. He is my Father of Lights, and every good & perfect gift is from Him. He is without falter or variability. He made me--Vickie. Before time begain He made me; He named me. And in eternity, He renames me on a white stone--a pearl; a pearl of very very great price. For He gave His life for mine that He might own the pearl. That's how bad He wanted me.

But I must be engraved, engrafted, and engulfed in the flood waters and fiery trials He's prepared for me. That is how I am made into His image. The pearl is made by irritating the oyster's heart. And to be certain, mine has been like the snotty goo that surrounds the gestating gemstone. I feel the heart of what Isaiah felt as he penned these words about the coming Christ child:

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me; because the Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; He hath sent me

to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim liberty to the captives,

and the opening of the prison to them that are bound;

to proclaim the Acceptable Year of the Lord, and the Day of Vengeance of our God;

to comfort all that mourn;

to appoint unto them that mourn in Zion,

to give unto them beauty for ashes,

the oil of joy for mourning,

the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;

that they might be called Trees of Righteousness, the Planting of the Lord, that He might be glorified. And they shall build the old wastes, they shall raise up the former desolations, and they shall repair the waste cities, the desolations of many generations. Isaiah 61:1-4 KJV

Lessons in Falling Backward and Being Broken - Isaiah 54-7-10

For a small moment have I forsaken thee; but with great mercies will I gather thee. In a little wrath I hid My face from thee for a moment; but with everlasting kindness will I have mercy on thee, saith the Lord thy Redeemer. For this is as the waters of Noah unto Me: for as I have sworn that the waters of Noah should no more go over the earth; so have I sworn that I would not be wroth with thee, nor rebuke thee. For the mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed; but My kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed, saith the Lord that hath mercy on thee. KJV

You know you've truly been sealed with the salvation of Jesus Christ and His Holy Spirit when somehow you can cling to this promise even though you lay at the bottom of a mountainous heap of rubble. When you can cling to this promise in spite of His wroth; in spite of His rebuke; in spite of his forsaken abandonment--in spite of the fact that the whole world has come crashing down around your ears... and yet you still love Him and still seek His mercy & goodness.

Most of the world would have given up on Him by now. They throw God away the second they don't get what they want out of Santa's goodie bag. And when disaster strikes? Well, God either doesn't exist or He's a cruel terrible God who's not worthy of acknowledging, let alone praising.

I'll admit that the last three years since Abigail died, and then again when Anne died too, that I've known the rubble of the devastated mountains. I've known the dark flood waters that have left me forsaken. I've known astounding heartache and devastation as I've taken my gifts from the Lord and buried them beneath the sod. I've questioned Him countless times that if children are a gift from Him, an inheritance from the Lord, what does it mean when He takes them back? What does it mean when He riddles your life with illness and barrenness only to tease you with babies that then die? What does He want from me? There is no example in Scripture like mine. Hannah was barren, but then found reward. The closest I can get to applying Scripture to myself is in David's example of losing his baby boy--his story pokes straight into my soul.

Firstly, because we named our Abigail for David's other wife. Secondly, because God took the baby boy as judgment on David & Bathsheba--did He take my Abigail in similar judgment? But thirdly, and what gets me most, is that David was recompensed with a rainbow baby they called Solomon. My recompense was more death & baby burial. How I've begged God for mercy as I cast harsh judgment on myself; the devil wispering cruel things about what a wretched sinner I am that clearly must not have deserved those sweet baby girls.

Moreover, we see passages all over the Scriptures where the speaker repeats himself. We know that when passages are given double duty that those are bits of information that God wants doubly reinforced. So what was God saying to me as He issued me the double death of my children?

I have people who criticize me for reading too much into the events of my life. But years ago I invited the Lord into my life and made Him King. Everyone says, "God has a plan" and I believe that's true--so what was He saying to me and the world with the double death plan He issued to me? Clearly, He had something He wanted to reiterate. Applying Romans 8:28 continues to be my wrestling...

Nevertheless, today's passage in Isaiah reiterates that mountains AND hills may land on your life. Darkness AND despair may be all-consuming. He may punish AND abandon (see all the doubles in the passage?)... But He reiterates the covenant of His kindness AND mercy. He reminds us that He spared Noah and He will spare His chosen in this generation as well. No matter how many double deaths He inflicts, He will not forever forsake those who are faithful to Him during their double death experiences. In fact if we continue on in Isaiah, we're promised a double portion of glory; a double portion of everlasting joy.

Paul expounded on that double portion of glory when he said, For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, works for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory. While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.

Lessons in Falling Backward and Being Broken - Genesis 32:24-32

And Jacob was left alone; and there wrestled a man with him until the breaking of the day.

And when He saw that He prevailed not against him, He touched the hollow of his thigh; and the hollow of Jacob's thigh was out of joint, as He wrestled with him.

And He said, Let me go, for the day breaketh.
And he said, I will not let Thee go, except Thou bless me.
And He said unto him, What is thy name?
And he said, Jacob.
And He said, Thy name shall be called no more Jacob, but Israel: for as a prince hast thou power with God and with men, and hast prevailed.
And Jacob asked Him, and said, Tell me, I pray Thee, Thy name.
And He said, Wherefore is it that thou dost ask after My name?
And He blessed him there.
And Jacob called the name of the place Peniel : for I have seen God face to face, and my life is preserved.
And as he passed over Penuel the sun rose upon him, and he halted upon his thigh.
Therefore the children of Israel eat not of the sinew which shrank, which is upon the hollow of the thigh, unto this day: because he touched the hollow of Jacob's thigh in the sinew that shrank.

God changes who we are as we're steadfast in our wrestlings with Him. Often it seems as though we're alone in the wilderness. God seems absent as we fret and wrestle in the darkness of our adversities. Such things may happen to us that cause us to limp and struggle the remaining days of our lives. But God told Jacob that his power to prevail in such battles earned him a new name; a new persona. He became someone else--mighty, chosen, perfected in his weakness.

It may not seem like it when we are in the midst of our wrestlings with God, but we are gifted great blessings as we perservere in our struggles with Him. Truly my experiences have debilitated me in this life, but I am destined for Victory in the next. Bruise me gently, Lord Jesus...

Lessons in Falling Backward and Being Broken - Genesis 8:1

At Abigail's funeral the pastor spoke on the passage in Samuel where David lost his baby boy. Her memorial cards were done with Psalm 23. But in the quiet moments of privacy that we had afterward, before her casket was taken to the baby garden for burial, I prayed Genesis 8:1 as I sealed her in.

And God remembered Noah...

Long & dark & frightful was the trip that Noah made in his primitive ocean liner. Here and there he must have nursed great worry that perhaps he'd been forgotten in his dark & stormy confines. But God did not forget him; He will not forget us either. Though we slosh in our frightfully tear-sodden isolation, He will not forget us. Though the storms are overwhelming and horrific, He does not leave us abandoned...

I cling to that when the loneliness of grief overcomes me; when I share mutual grieving with friends who also know the mournful depths of Adam's Curse, having placed their own babies in the earth.

Oh the mighty lessons that the Lord leads us through...mighty lessons that only come by falling backward, and being broken, and snared, and taken...